Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize