Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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