the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
