I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
