There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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