How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
