Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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