I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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