He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
