i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
