I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
