Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
