420 ftw
im six kinds of drunk right now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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