i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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