great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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