I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
