If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
