I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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