I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
