there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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