I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize