im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize