I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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