I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish you could order shots online.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
