worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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