i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
