i just google imaged poop.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
