I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
