i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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