Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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