the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
