You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just cropdusted the office
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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