This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
