I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
