went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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