i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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