also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
