my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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