i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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