Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
