if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
