Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize