Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
