Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
