I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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