Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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