ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize