First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
