It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drunk is a universal language darling
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
