I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
