you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
