Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize