respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
