I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
