Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
