I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize