I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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