They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
