I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We're too hungover to prance.
Enjoy the penises
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
