I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
