OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
