Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Jerry, you need to find god
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
