I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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