Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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