Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
