Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
