I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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