So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
