I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
