My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
