somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
