remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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