Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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