just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize