respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
